1 Year Later

I was driving to Gigi's house to bake Chrismas cookies when I was told I had breast cancer. That was one year ago today. I refused to let it beat me. I went into the battle fighting, looking for the best doctors and saying "I will be fine".  I did say "fudge" a lot. It honestly made me feel better. I took the 16 rounds of chemo with tears, learned to raise my hands above my head again after the double masectomy, and watched my skin become burned to a fine crisp from radiation. And through it all I found humor in it and tried to help people around me see the hope I had. 

Most of you that really know me know what a stubborn person I am. When I want to do something, come hell or high water, I am going to do it. Maybe that is why I beat cancer. I don't know.  What I do know is that the past 12 months have taught me many things and have helped to shape me into a more loving, forgiving, compassionate and giving person. So here is what I learned from cancer. 

1. Cancer sucks. It doesn't matter what kind or stage or age of the person. It sucks. 

2.  Cancer is a mental challenge. Even more at times than a physical one. I now know I am mentally prepared for anything. (Including a 5 mile run that I have never trained for. Wait, did I say run?  I meant walk.)

3.  You have to put your faith in a higher power. For me it was lots of prayers to God. It doesn't matter who or what you believe in, just believe, and pray. 

4.  Anger and bitterness are very unhealthy emotions. I know everyone "knows" that, but I began to look at it in a different way. You might not feel it but they are emotions that will eat your insides. Let it go. Forgive. 

5. People are amazing. People stepped out of the woodwork to help me.  You need that support to help with the mental  battle. It is not easy. Like that "5 mile walk".  I had great walking partners. 

6. It is important to say "I love you". I say it all the time now. To everyone. Because I want them to know I do love them. And I appreciate them. You just don't know what tomorrow holds. 

7. I always thought "yay!  They finished chemo. They are all done". When you are done with treatment, you really aren't done fighting cancer. I have therapists and doctors to see weekly to help with the side effects from treatments. Not to mention, every cough or ache I have to tell myself "it is not cancer". I live with the daily thought of it coming back. And I have to remember to "live my life". That is what Dr Romer told me and I honestly love that man. 

I had to make cancer a learning experience. It is the way my mind works. I had to find the good things in it to beat it. The support my family, friends and staff gave me was amazing.  They continue to support me and I couldn't be more appreciative.  I am a very, very lucky girl. 

Merry Christmas!  Thank you to everyone. I'm off to make Christmas cookies. This year without the little c tagging along. 

I won.