1 Year Later

I was driving to Gigi's house to bake Chrismas cookies when I was told I had breast cancer. That was one year ago today. I refused to let it beat me. I went into the battle fighting, looking for the best doctors and saying "I will be fine".  I did say "fudge" a lot. It honestly made me feel better. I took the 16 rounds of chemo with tears, learned to raise my hands above my head again after the double masectomy, and watched my skin become burned to a fine crisp from radiation. And through it all I found humor in it and tried to help people around me see the hope I had. 

Most of you that really know me know what a stubborn person I am. When I want to do something, come hell or high water, I am going to do it. Maybe that is why I beat cancer. I don't know.  What I do know is that the past 12 months have taught me many things and have helped to shape me into a more loving, forgiving, compassionate and giving person. So here is what I learned from cancer. 

1. Cancer sucks. It doesn't matter what kind or stage or age of the person. It sucks. 

2.  Cancer is a mental challenge. Even more at times than a physical one. I now know I am mentally prepared for anything. (Including a 5 mile run that I have never trained for. Wait, did I say run?  I meant walk.)

3.  You have to put your faith in a higher power. For me it was lots of prayers to God. It doesn't matter who or what you believe in, just believe, and pray. 

4.  Anger and bitterness are very unhealthy emotions. I know everyone "knows" that, but I began to look at it in a different way. You might not feel it but they are emotions that will eat your insides. Let it go. Forgive. 

5. People are amazing. People stepped out of the woodwork to help me.  You need that support to help with the mental  battle. It is not easy. Like that "5 mile walk".  I had great walking partners. 

6. It is important to say "I love you". I say it all the time now. To everyone. Because I want them to know I do love them. And I appreciate them. You just don't know what tomorrow holds. 

7. I always thought "yay!  They finished chemo. They are all done". When you are done with treatment, you really aren't done fighting cancer. I have therapists and doctors to see weekly to help with the side effects from treatments. Not to mention, every cough or ache I have to tell myself "it is not cancer". I live with the daily thought of it coming back. And I have to remember to "live my life". That is what Dr Romer told me and I honestly love that man. 

I had to make cancer a learning experience. It is the way my mind works. I had to find the good things in it to beat it. The support my family, friends and staff gave me was amazing.  They continue to support me and I couldn't be more appreciative.  I am a very, very lucky girl. 

Merry Christmas!  Thank you to everyone. I'm off to make Christmas cookies. This year without the little c tagging along. 

I won. 

It's surgery time ...... Again

At this point we are regulars at the hospital. We have our own parking spot ( mostly bc Brad parks wherever he wants) and between all of our surgeries we know everyone and are accumulating frequent flyer miles !! Wish me luck !!

It's A Pink Thing

Every year the Wee Elks support breast cancer awareness by having their teams wear pink socks, or wrist bands or bows in their hair, etc. (you get the idea).  The boys like it because they get to wear pink and we all know Real Men Wear Pink right?  I always appreciated it because of my mom having lost her battle to breast cancer.  This year though my son's team actually has a real connection to breast cancer awareness and the everyday fight of people who are diagnosed.  It brought tears to my eyes to realize the connection that the team has, especially my own son.  

People continue to amaze me.  I was surprised by our football family this week.  Shannon Lavigne and Amie Culberg are the team moms for Luke's 5th grade team.  To make the connection even more meaningful for our boys, they had breast cancer ribbon embroidered on to the front of their jerseys without me knowing. So imagine my surprise when I was handed Luke's jersey and I saw it.  It took everything in me not to start crying.  It is a small symbol of support with gigantic meaning and love behind it.  It is placed directly above their heart and every time I look at it I smile and remember the love behind it.  Our boys are supporting breast cancer fighters, survivors and honoring those who lost the battle every game throughout the entire season.

People are truly amazing.  Thank you to our 5th grade black football family from the bottom of my heart.  

Lisa

Frankenboobies

Brad is on me again to update so here I go:

I am finally feeling normal again.  I started last week going for my weekly expansions as lets just say it is the most uncomfortable thing I have ever felt in my life.  Today was my second expansion and the easiest way to explain it is it feels like I have a charlie horse in my chest and someone is squeezing my ribs for about 3 days.  It looks like I will have around 4-5 more expansions.  When Dr. Schmidt finishes with expanding I will go in for one more surgery and he will swap out the expanders for the implants.  My boobies look good though.  I was referring to them as frankenboobies because of the scar and steri strips across them but honestly, I am very please with them.  Dr. Schmidt did a great job.  I have a problem just showing them to anyone and telling people to poke them because I really do not think you understand how hard they are until I tell you to push on them.  All I can say is hard as rocks. 

My hair is growing back in.  I like to say I look like a Monchichi.  It is extremely soft and I spend a lot of time rubbing my head. 

It looks like I will start radiation in 10 weeks.  I will only have to go for 5 1/2 to 6 1/2 weeks of treatments.  Not to bad.  I will work through the treatment.  I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Brad has been such a wonderful and patient and supportive husband and friend through this entire process.  It is now my turn to take care of him.  He has shoulder surgery tomorrow morning so send some prayers his way please.


So thank you for all of the support and prayers!  I really feel loved. 

Lots of love,
Lisa

And we keep going...

My surgery was June 25th and everything went well. I was cussing again when I came out of the anesthesia. I have never felt so much pain. Thanks to Brad, Kristie and Kelly I was kept company in the hospital and went home the next day with my own nurse Kelly (for those of you who don't know her, we have known each other since 6th grade). She took amazing care of me, even if at times I wanted to punch her in the face because she was making me shower and walk. I was really uncomfortable.  But I love her to death and I am happy she was here to help me. 

So the results are in:

Both breasts were removed. The left breast was free and clear of cancer. Both tumors in my right breast shrunk to about 1 cm.  Unfortuantly my lymph nodes were still positive for cancer. Dr. Weighall removed two layers of nodes from under my right arm and out of 15 nodes only three had cancer. That is good. The disappointing part is now I am going to have to have radiation. 7 weeks, 5 days a week. They will last about 30 minutes so I will do them after school. I meet with my radiologist on Friday so I will know more then. Another good part, my tumors are estrogen and progesterone fed so I will start a pill called Tamoxifen that I will take daily for 10 years. It is a hormone blocker so it will help to keep the cancer from coming back by not giving it what it feeds on. 

As for the reconstruction. Dr. Schmidt was very excited with how well the reconstruction went. He placed expanders in my chest and as of right now I have nice perky B size boobies.  We won't know about the rest of the reconstruction or expanding until after I meet with my radiologist on Friday. 

So I will leave you with a funny story. When I met with Dr. Romer today he had a pre med student following him trying to decide if oncology was something he was interested in. Dr. Romer wanted to see Dr. Schmidt's work. So I showed him. (I will show almost anyone at this point). We encouraged the youngin to touch them because of how hard they are and Dr. Romer was explaining what expanders were. (They are incredibly hard.).The kid's face turned three shades of red. It was hilarious. Highlight of my day. 

Thank you to everyone for the support. I really appreciate it. 

I Hear Horns!

Guess what??  I hear horns!!!!  I finished my last chemo treatment today.  December 23 I started the first part of this journey and today I officially closed the door.  May 29 I received my 16th and final round of chemo.  I am so excited (and slightly jacked up on steroids) that I cannot sleep.

Now I am going to brag.  I am not a big fan of bragging but I figure I have earned it and I am going to do it.

First, I have the BEST sister and husband ever!!!  They went to EVERY SINGLE appointment and chemo session I had.  Kristie left work and drove to everything and then went back to work after.  Brad stayed with me from the chemo session until I went back to work every single week.  They sacrificed a lot for me and I appreciate it and love them more than anything!  They have listened to me bitch and moan about my nails hurting and dying and trying to fall off.  They have listened to me bitch about the ungodly amount of weight I have gained, no clothes to wear and the nasty moods I am in when I come down from the steroids. (Mondays are a rough day for me and my attitude just plain stinks.) They remind me of the bigger picture that I am going to live.  Kristie brought me the best breast cancer balloon today with pink cupcakes with glitter on them and we had a party to go with my horns.  You both are the best!!

Second, I have the BEST staff ever!!  Wait, let me rephrase that.  I have the BEST friends ever.  Because that is what they are.  A staff is people you work with .  Friends are people who love you and care about you.  They defiantly love and care about me.  Not only have they worn Pink on Fridays, but they have had hat days and had a PINK OUT on Wednesday to support my last day of chemo.  I was touched.  Shed some tears.  Then today came.  I came home after chemo to find my porch decorated with flowers that had notes attached to them lining my sidewalk.  There were balloons on the porch with the biggest hanging basket of pink flowers and my door was decorated with posters and the funniest signs.  I was crying and laughing at the same time.  It was amazing.  But then I went inside and found posters, gift cards to get my nails done, sayings, a pillow to help me heal from my surgery (which was also make from the same material as Olivia's baby blanket), cards and I was so taken back.  You might not understand this if you are not a teacher, but they took time to do this all the second to last day of school.  That is extremely unselfish and giving.  This group of people have gone above and beyond anything that I would have ever imagined.  I am honored to call them my friends and amazed that God has put them in my life to work with every day.  I could not be more blessed.  I love them all and I hope they all know that. They are my "seeds of happiness".

Third, I have the greatest group of friends ever.  I received so many texts and phone calls today saying congratulations.  I struggled responding to every one because I could not keep up.  I tried.  When I get a text I usually start tearing up.  I have to close the text after I read it so I don't start sobbing and then my damn chemo brain makes me forget to respond.  One friend picked up Olivia and  took her to tumbling for me.  I was brought dinner today by two friends.  Another friend brought me a bottle of Cake vodka and watermelon sparkling margarita because the only thing I was missing today at chemo was a shot of vodka and I love watermelon margaritas.  Cheers to everyone!!!

Fourth, my students rock!!  No seriously, they rock!!  They were so excited and cheered when I told them I was getting my last round of medicine.  They are 5 and 6 years old.  That is pretty cool if you ask me.  They made me cards every day over the last 5 months.  They have made me laugh and challenge my myself. Most importantly they gave me a reason to get up, get dressed (I hate getting dressed right now) and laugh every day. They really do rock!

So I bragged.  I had to.  It made me feel so supported today.  Thank you for everything!!  This part of the journey is over and I kicked cancer's ass.  I didn't let it run my life or slow me down.  I didn't let it own me, become me, or think it had a chance of sticking around. It's my body and I'll decide what sticks around.  My double mastectomy is scheduled for June 25th at 8:30 am at Kettering hospital.  My dear sweet (and feisty) friend Kelly is coming from Michigan to help (and most likely make sure I am getting the best care).  It gives me a sense of comfort because I hate blood and the talk of blood and I am just damn nervous about it.

Love and Hugs to everyone,

Lisa - The Girl who told cancer to kiss it.

Home stretch!

Hi everyone!  Brad tells me I am a slacker on posting so here I go. I have three treatments left!!  Yep. Three more weeks and I am done with the chemo. All done!!!  My official date for my last one is May 29. I met with my oncologist last Tuesday and he called me his rock star patient. That felt pretty good considering I don't feel like it, but he swears I am. At this point my nails are all messed up, I have horrible indigestion, and I am really tired most of the day but hardly sleep at night because of hot flashes.  I am tired of being tired. The steroids I do have to say are the worst part of it but I keep reminding myself of several things. One, many people have it a lot worse with their treatments, two, I have three treatments left, three, I have gone from bald to peach fuzz and four, Dr. Romer thinks I am already in remission. That was the best news. I am still kicking cancers ass and living my life. I have refused to let it slow me down. 

Thank you to everyone who has supported me with this journey. Pay attention when I hug you. My hugs are much tighter and longer. It's my way of saying thank you for every bit of encouragement, every card, every gift and every meal. It meant the world to me and Brad. Without all of the support and encouragement, I would not have been as strong. This is 100% a mental battle. Chemo tries really hard to break a person down. Even in the last 9 weeks there have been a few times I have walked into school with tears. I just wasn't sure I was going to be able to make it through the day. Because of all of the support, I sucked it up, put a smile on my face and moved on. 

My friend Cari sent me this shirt. I'm a true Spartan and I do have a team behind me. Love this shirt!!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 3 more weeks and I get to hear my horns!!

Lots of love,

Lisa 

PS: Brad would like to personally thank everyone for every meal and groceries. His weakness is cookies and he has loved every last one of them. 

Do I hear a party?

So I am sitting here in this warm recliner at chemo listening to the nurses blow party horns for someone who just finished their last chemo treatment. I had to open my eyes and make sure I was not at Chi chi's and it was someone's birthday. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT TO BE ME!!!  Seriously, I can't wait for them to blow the horns for me. I start a new round of chemo today called Taxol. I will get it every Friday for the next 12 weeks. I was not excited to come today. Actually quite anxious about it. I sat at the front desk of PVS this morning for an hour trying to help and Rosemary asked why I was doing it. I told her it was because  if I go home I have to go to chemo. But now I am here and I am remembering that it could be much worse. So I'll sit here with my big girl panties on and take the medicine. Here's to nausea, not pooping, being tired, black nail beds, an infected tear duct and most importantly NO CANCER!!  Woot woot. 11 more rounds to go. Who's whoopin' it up with me in June?

Round four...(can you hear my happy dance)

I have my fourth and final round of the "bad" chemo today. Not sure why it gets dubbed the "bad" chemo considering I don't think any chemo is "good".  Dr. Romer says that the next 12 weekly rounds after this round will be easier on my body and I say hopefully easier on my mind. Geesh, I have had to be one tough bitch the last 2 weeks.(I also was not enjoyable to be around at home. Sorry Brad.)  I was a HOT HOT mess after the last round. I felt horrible from Thursday until the following Tuesday. I was beginning to think I was never going to feel better. But Wednesday morning I woke up and felt great. (I thanked God several times that day.)  So I am hoping and praying for a quick and speedy recovery after today's chemo and if not, I still have my big girl pants on and I'll put a smile on my face and tell the little "c" to "suck it".  

My dear sweet friend Lori Clark gave me a hope tree for all of my students to sign. If you know me well, you know that these kids give me strength and hope. So she delivered it yesterday and we had my students from this year and last year sign it.  I love it and every time I had to explain to them what they were signing I started to choke on my words. 

My students have also been asking daily for me to wear Olivia's bright pink wig. So I did today. I was told I look like Pink, Katy Perry, AAANNNDDDDD Nicki Minaj!  I see the resemblance, don't you? See why I love my students!!!  Such honest little people. We also had "try on Mrs. Voss' wig".  The pictures are below. 

Thank you to everyone for the kind words of encouragement. This is such a mental battle. Everything that people send to me makes me that much stronger. Words cannot express how much I appreciate all of it. 

Great Peeps!

Thank goodness I can blame tears on my chemo.  (If you don't know what I am talking about, refer back to the "I'm 80" post.)  I walked into school today I noticed everyone I walked by wearing hats.  Hmmmmm, I know I have chemo brain but something seemed sneaky.  All my peeps at work decided to wear hats today to support me.  Which brought me to tears in the office and again, now, as I am writing this.  Cancer is really scary and chemo is a very challenging experience both mentally and physically.  This last chemo round I was a hot mess until Wednesday.  It took almost a week for my body and brain to feel normal again.  I really could not be doing this without the support of my family and peeps.  I love each and everyone of you beyond belief and I could not be doing this alone.  So thank you for making me feel loved and supported.  It is because of these acts of kindness that I know I can handle round four of chemo.

Thanks to Le'Cook for hooking me up with a hat.  The girl who wears a hat everyday because she can't stand the wig, doesn't wear a hat on hat day.  So Lisa Cook made Jeni and I butterfly hats. I loved it!!!!

I love this staff!!  Such a fun and supportive place to work.  I could not ask for anything more.  (and I really think my eyes are open but because I was smiling so big they look closed.)

My PVS peeps showing their love and support!! (Can you understand why I started to cry?  The feeling of support was overwhelming.)

Brad bought me this artwork.  The woman who makes them is a local artist from Centerville.  Brad dropped it off at PVS and everyone signed it.  I love to look at it and read all of the names.  Now my peeps outside of PVS need to sign it.  It honestly is one of my favorite gifts. 

This was done by the staff and students of PVS voyager.  They were painting in the snow.  Pink Strong!!

Round three....

I get my third round of treatment today. It's funny how this is such a mental battle. Think about it like this. You know on Thursday of every other week you are going to get the flu (or a really bad hangover) for the next five days. It sucks. Do I want to go to chemo?  Nope not at all. But this morning I got up and put my big girl panties on, along with some new Mary Kay makeup thanks to Lori Dunnigan (it's so I am pretty AND powerful), and I am ready to fight. 

It's the little things.

Life is interesting when you stop and look at the little things. This picture was taken two football seasons ago before a game. Shannon and Amie have been huge supporters of this fight. Look at their jerseys.  They were proudly supporting breast cancer awareness then. Makes me smile. I can't thank them enough for the things they have done for me and my family. 

And then I was 80...

So I went from the age of 37 to the age of 80 in about 3 weeks. I'm not kidding.  Here are reasons I can say that...

1.  My eyes water constantly from the chemo. It is a side effect. So I walk around with a Kleenex wadded up in my hand or up my sleeve. 

2.  My nose runs constantly again from the chemo. Refer back to #1 for the Kleenex part. 

3.  I've lost my hair and now have to brush my wig.   

4.  I fall asleep randomly in chairs. 

5. I can't remember things. 

6.  My body aches. 

7.  I write "Mrs. Pence" on the Valentines bag I am making for myself. 

8.  I go to bed right after dinner and get up at the crack of dawn. 

9.  I'm always cold. 

10.  I can't remember things. 

I actually laugh at my old age. I know that the reason behind it is saving my life.  I am a-ok with that. 

Why wouldn't I work??

People were floored when I said I was going to continue to work. What else would I do?  Sit at home and feel bad for myself?  No way. I LOVE my job for two reasons. The kids that I work with everyday and my peeps. Not only are they the most supportive staff eva...but they seriously crack me up.

I wore my wig on Monday and was slightly nervous about it. Within an hour I was laughing as we played let's try on Lisa's wig in the office.

 My students had plenty of comments about it also. "Why is your hair so poofy?", "I think you need some hairspray?", "Will you just take it off?"  I took the wig off alright. It's not that it is itchy, it's more tight around my gigantic melon of a head. I feel like it is squeezing my brain after awhile. Needless to say, I am happy that I have such great kids and adults that I spend every day with. I love my job, with or without the wig. 

Thankful

It is days like these that I am thankful for many things.  Yesterday was incredibly rough.  I had the joy of spending the weekend with one of my oldest friends Kelly. She traveled from Michigan to spend time with me.  It made me very happy but I was very sad to see her go.  I spent the rest of the day on the couch trying to come out of my fog.  Which makes me thankful for Brad and Kristie.  They really have had to take on a ton of extra responsibilities because of me.  If you know me, you know how stubborn I am, and how I also do not take help well.  I like things done my way so the majority of the time I do it myself.  Brad and Kristie have really made this a lot easier on me because I don't have to worry about anything.  I love and appreciate them both so much! (I also really enjoy bossing them around.)

Which leads me to all the people who have helped them out in so many ways.  Between Susan organizing the dinners from PVS and Amie organizing them from our football family, Beth and Meredith working on groceries, Amy and Jeff picking up and driving my kids around Shannon folding laundry and doing dishes, Heather bringing me natural ways to help my ailments, the countless meals that have been dropped off, Leanne taking pictures, and my friends standing by me daily, I do not have the words for how much I appreciate it.  I fought this part because I really struggle asking people for help.  Let me tell you though, it is a wonderful feeling knowing that my family is fed and I can sleep not having to worry about it.  I cannot thank everyone enough for the meals and snacks that have been dropped off.  I am truly grateful.

I would honestly be here all night if I started to thank every single person for the kind words that have been sent to me, the gifts that have been given or the hugs and prayers.  I really wish I had the energy to.  Sometimes things in your life happen for a reason.  I will be the first to tell you I was on overload and was not appreciating what was around me.  I do now.  I appreciate every single person and experience in my life.  I can honestly say that I am grateful for the relationships God has granted me with, especially my sister and husband.  Thank you to everyone for the love, strength and prayers.

Brad wanted me to remember how much I am loved so he started this "wall" to remind me.  He hangs up every note or card that I get from someone so that I never forget.

 

Purple Your Profile.

I am not on Facebook but my sister told me that Chevy is donating $1 to cancer research for every person who turns their profile picture purple. I attached the link. 

http://www.purpleyourprofile.com. 

I love the idea and what a great color!!  

Lisa's lil buddy

BV

Cocktail Time

Did you know that they call a mixture of chemo drugs a cocktail?  Way to take the fun out of a REAL cocktail.  Mmmmmm..... A girl can dream right?  I haven't had a cocktail, or wine, or beer in a long time.   I am actually alright with it because I need to make sure that my body is strong enough to beat the little c and make it through chemo.  So I have had two chemo treatments at this point.  This is how my chemo schedule will work.  The first four treatments are every two weeks.  I have finished two of those at this point.  The first round put me in bed from Thursday until Sunday.  I felt like a 80 year old.  I would be in the middle of doing something and wake up an hour later in a chair not sure how I fell asleep.  I hurt from a shot they give me the next day to raise my white blood cells.  It was rough but manageable.  The second round was this past Thursday.  Dr. Romer switched my anti nausea medicine and hot damn, I felt so much better this time.  I was able to go to Luke's basketball game and Liv's ice skating lesson. So I have two more rounds of this strong cocktail.   This first cocktail is what is making my hair fall out.  But Dr. Romer says when I finish this in a month my hair will start growing back.  (I'm secretly loving the baldness though.)

At the end of February my chemo will change.  I will begin going weekly to get my chemo and that will be 12 treatments.  I have been told that this drug will be easier to handle.  That gives me the hope that I can make it through the next six months.  WOO HOO!

Side effects from chemo are interesting.  Besides peeing pink and my hair falling out, I am a complete ditz.  Trust me when I say this, chemo brain is 100% real.  I can't remember what I walked across the house to do.  I am blonder than usual.  Brad and I were driving listening to the UD Basketball game and I remembered UD tying the game.  About 5 minutes later I had to ask Brad who won.  I had no clue.  I might look like a bald 37 year old but my brain is foggy and functioning like an 80 year old.  So please, if I forget to call you back, it is not intentional.  Be patient with me. 

You want to stick me AGAIN?????

At this point I am so over getting poked and stuck.  These poor nurses who have to take my blood or put some kind of contrast in me.  Remember, I DO NOT like blood or vein talk.  So needless to say every time I went in for another test the poor nurse would have to listen to me say how I don't do well with this "stuff".  It is getting better and all the tests are done at this point. Everything has come back negative.  What does that mean?  The cancer has not spread to any where else in my body.  It is only showing in the two tumors in my breast and in my right lymph nodes.  YAY!!!!

My Wife is Hot even without hair!