Round four...(can you hear my happy dance)

I have my fourth and final round of the "bad" chemo today. Not sure why it gets dubbed the "bad" chemo considering I don't think any chemo is "good".  Dr. Romer says that the next 12 weekly rounds after this round will be easier on my body and I say hopefully easier on my mind. Geesh, I have had to be one tough bitch the last 2 weeks.(I also was not enjoyable to be around at home. Sorry Brad.)  I was a HOT HOT mess after the last round. I felt horrible from Thursday until the following Tuesday. I was beginning to think I was never going to feel better. But Wednesday morning I woke up and felt great. (I thanked God several times that day.)  So I am hoping and praying for a quick and speedy recovery after today's chemo and if not, I still have my big girl pants on and I'll put a smile on my face and tell the little "c" to "suck it".  

My dear sweet friend Lori Clark gave me a hope tree for all of my students to sign. If you know me well, you know that these kids give me strength and hope. So she delivered it yesterday and we had my students from this year and last year sign it.  I love it and every time I had to explain to them what they were signing I started to choke on my words. 

My students have also been asking daily for me to wear Olivia's bright pink wig. So I did today. I was told I look like Pink, Katy Perry, AAANNNDDDDD Nicki Minaj!  I see the resemblance, don't you? See why I love my students!!!  Such honest little people. We also had "try on Mrs. Voss' wig".  The pictures are below. 

Thank you to everyone for the kind words of encouragement. This is such a mental battle. Everything that people send to me makes me that much stronger. Words cannot express how much I appreciate all of it. 

Great Peeps!

Thank goodness I can blame tears on my chemo.  (If you don't know what I am talking about, refer back to the "I'm 80" post.)  I walked into school today I noticed everyone I walked by wearing hats.  Hmmmmm, I know I have chemo brain but something seemed sneaky.  All my peeps at work decided to wear hats today to support me.  Which brought me to tears in the office and again, now, as I am writing this.  Cancer is really scary and chemo is a very challenging experience both mentally and physically.  This last chemo round I was a hot mess until Wednesday.  It took almost a week for my body and brain to feel normal again.  I really could not be doing this without the support of my family and peeps.  I love each and everyone of you beyond belief and I could not be doing this alone.  So thank you for making me feel loved and supported.  It is because of these acts of kindness that I know I can handle round four of chemo.

Thanks to Le'Cook for hooking me up with a hat.  The girl who wears a hat everyday because she can't stand the wig, doesn't wear a hat on hat day.  So Lisa Cook made Jeni and I butterfly hats. I loved it!!!!

I love this staff!!  Such a fun and supportive place to work.  I could not ask for anything more.  (and I really think my eyes are open but because I was smiling so big they look closed.)

My PVS peeps showing their love and support!! (Can you understand why I started to cry?  The feeling of support was overwhelming.)

Brad bought me this artwork.  The woman who makes them is a local artist from Centerville.  Brad dropped it off at PVS and everyone signed it.  I love to look at it and read all of the names.  Now my peeps outside of PVS need to sign it.  It honestly is one of my favorite gifts. 

This was done by the staff and students of PVS voyager.  They were painting in the snow.  Pink Strong!!

Round three....

I get my third round of treatment today. It's funny how this is such a mental battle. Think about it like this. You know on Thursday of every other week you are going to get the flu (or a really bad hangover) for the next five days. It sucks. Do I want to go to chemo?  Nope not at all. But this morning I got up and put my big girl panties on, along with some new Mary Kay makeup thanks to Lori Dunnigan (it's so I am pretty AND powerful), and I am ready to fight. 

It's the little things.

Life is interesting when you stop and look at the little things. This picture was taken two football seasons ago before a game. Shannon and Amie have been huge supporters of this fight. Look at their jerseys.  They were proudly supporting breast cancer awareness then. Makes me smile. I can't thank them enough for the things they have done for me and my family. 

And then I was 80...

So I went from the age of 37 to the age of 80 in about 3 weeks. I'm not kidding.  Here are reasons I can say that...

1.  My eyes water constantly from the chemo. It is a side effect. So I walk around with a Kleenex wadded up in my hand or up my sleeve. 

2.  My nose runs constantly again from the chemo. Refer back to #1 for the Kleenex part. 

3.  I've lost my hair and now have to brush my wig.   

4.  I fall asleep randomly in chairs. 

5. I can't remember things. 

6.  My body aches. 

7.  I write "Mrs. Pence" on the Valentines bag I am making for myself. 

8.  I go to bed right after dinner and get up at the crack of dawn. 

9.  I'm always cold. 

10.  I can't remember things. 

I actually laugh at my old age. I know that the reason behind it is saving my life.  I am a-ok with that. 

Why wouldn't I work??

People were floored when I said I was going to continue to work. What else would I do?  Sit at home and feel bad for myself?  No way. I LOVE my job for two reasons. The kids that I work with everyday and my peeps. Not only are they the most supportive staff eva...but they seriously crack me up.

I wore my wig on Monday and was slightly nervous about it. Within an hour I was laughing as we played let's try on Lisa's wig in the office.

 My students had plenty of comments about it also. "Why is your hair so poofy?", "I think you need some hairspray?", "Will you just take it off?"  I took the wig off alright. It's not that it is itchy, it's more tight around my gigantic melon of a head. I feel like it is squeezing my brain after awhile. Needless to say, I am happy that I have such great kids and adults that I spend every day with. I love my job, with or without the wig. 

Thankful

It is days like these that I am thankful for many things.  Yesterday was incredibly rough.  I had the joy of spending the weekend with one of my oldest friends Kelly. She traveled from Michigan to spend time with me.  It made me very happy but I was very sad to see her go.  I spent the rest of the day on the couch trying to come out of my fog.  Which makes me thankful for Brad and Kristie.  They really have had to take on a ton of extra responsibilities because of me.  If you know me, you know how stubborn I am, and how I also do not take help well.  I like things done my way so the majority of the time I do it myself.  Brad and Kristie have really made this a lot easier on me because I don't have to worry about anything.  I love and appreciate them both so much! (I also really enjoy bossing them around.)

Which leads me to all the people who have helped them out in so many ways.  Between Susan organizing the dinners from PVS and Amie organizing them from our football family, Beth and Meredith working on groceries, Amy and Jeff picking up and driving my kids around Shannon folding laundry and doing dishes, Heather bringing me natural ways to help my ailments, the countless meals that have been dropped off, Leanne taking pictures, and my friends standing by me daily, I do not have the words for how much I appreciate it.  I fought this part because I really struggle asking people for help.  Let me tell you though, it is a wonderful feeling knowing that my family is fed and I can sleep not having to worry about it.  I cannot thank everyone enough for the meals and snacks that have been dropped off.  I am truly grateful.

I would honestly be here all night if I started to thank every single person for the kind words that have been sent to me, the gifts that have been given or the hugs and prayers.  I really wish I had the energy to.  Sometimes things in your life happen for a reason.  I will be the first to tell you I was on overload and was not appreciating what was around me.  I do now.  I appreciate every single person and experience in my life.  I can honestly say that I am grateful for the relationships God has granted me with, especially my sister and husband.  Thank you to everyone for the love, strength and prayers.

Brad wanted me to remember how much I am loved so he started this "wall" to remind me.  He hangs up every note or card that I get from someone so that I never forget.

 

Purple Your Profile.

I am not on Facebook but my sister told me that Chevy is donating $1 to cancer research for every person who turns their profile picture purple. I attached the link. 

http://www.purpleyourprofile.com. 

I love the idea and what a great color!!  

Lisa's lil buddy

BV

Cocktail Time

Did you know that they call a mixture of chemo drugs a cocktail?  Way to take the fun out of a REAL cocktail.  Mmmmmm..... A girl can dream right?  I haven't had a cocktail, or wine, or beer in a long time.   I am actually alright with it because I need to make sure that my body is strong enough to beat the little c and make it through chemo.  So I have had two chemo treatments at this point.  This is how my chemo schedule will work.  The first four treatments are every two weeks.  I have finished two of those at this point.  The first round put me in bed from Thursday until Sunday.  I felt like a 80 year old.  I would be in the middle of doing something and wake up an hour later in a chair not sure how I fell asleep.  I hurt from a shot they give me the next day to raise my white blood cells.  It was rough but manageable.  The second round was this past Thursday.  Dr. Romer switched my anti nausea medicine and hot damn, I felt so much better this time.  I was able to go to Luke's basketball game and Liv's ice skating lesson. So I have two more rounds of this strong cocktail.   This first cocktail is what is making my hair fall out.  But Dr. Romer says when I finish this in a month my hair will start growing back.  (I'm secretly loving the baldness though.)

At the end of February my chemo will change.  I will begin going weekly to get my chemo and that will be 12 treatments.  I have been told that this drug will be easier to handle.  That gives me the hope that I can make it through the next six months.  WOO HOO!

Side effects from chemo are interesting.  Besides peeing pink and my hair falling out, I am a complete ditz.  Trust me when I say this, chemo brain is 100% real.  I can't remember what I walked across the house to do.  I am blonder than usual.  Brad and I were driving listening to the UD Basketball game and I remembered UD tying the game.  About 5 minutes later I had to ask Brad who won.  I had no clue.  I might look like a bald 37 year old but my brain is foggy and functioning like an 80 year old.  So please, if I forget to call you back, it is not intentional.  Be patient with me. 

You want to stick me AGAIN?????

At this point I am so over getting poked and stuck.  These poor nurses who have to take my blood or put some kind of contrast in me.  Remember, I DO NOT like blood or vein talk.  So needless to say every time I went in for another test the poor nurse would have to listen to me say how I don't do well with this "stuff".  It is getting better and all the tests are done at this point. Everything has come back negative.  What does that mean?  The cancer has not spread to any where else in my body.  It is only showing in the two tumors in my breast and in my right lymph nodes.  YAY!!!!